Knowledge is Key
by Lady-In-Devil's-Red
Summary: A story of love, depression, friendship, and maybe even suicide.....
1. I wish you knew what I long to tell you

I wish you knew...  
  
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Cho was lying in bed, face up. She had been like this for hours. It was the night of Hogsmeade and she had no reason to go, anyway. What was the point of being at Hogwarts? She barely made the grade anymore, and she was always on depression medicine. No one knew about it except Hermione, and even she couldn't do anything about it this far into her depression. The doctors' medicine wasn't working much anymore. She was bipolar and depressed and there was only one thing left to do. She knew what it was, but she needed to know how she wanted to do it. Wrists? Throat? Assisted? Suffocation? She'll sleep on it...  
  
"Hey, Cho, you there?"  
  
It was Ron. Pesky, pesky, Ron. Why did he have to interrupt her suicidal moment? She didn't reply. She heard him tell someone else that Cho wasn't there. She isn't inside. That's one think I'll work on, she thought. Disappearing. Not being able to be found. That's the ticket.  
  
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Hermione was getting worried. Ron told her that Cho wasn't there. Something's wrong. Very, vvery, wrong. She knew about Cho's suicide problem and she was worried whenever Cho was absent from classes, activities or had randomly disappeared. She decided to go to Cho's room again, just to make sure she was alright. 


	2. Without the pain and the permanent scars

I wish you knew...  
  
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Cho had decided on the most common one of all: wrists. Definitely wrists. She walked to the bathroom, box cutter in hand. She was wearing her favorite clothes, which included her black and red lacy underwear, layering tank tops from GAP and her streth jeans that were slightly worn, tight around her legs with a large flare around her ankles. She was wearing her jelly bracelets in every color imaginable, up and down her arm. She always wore them. She also always wore a few of those Chinese charm bracelets, you know the kind, that everyone had all over themselves in school.  
  
Here goes nothing... thought Cho to herself. I'm really gonna do it. It will hurt. Yes! Pain is good. Pain is life. Pain is death. Pain is me. Let's do this.  
  
Another knock on the door. God, why can't I commit suicide in peace?! Cho went and answered the door. It was Hermione. She asked Mione politely to leave and not to come back for two days. Hermione said she would heed Cho's wish, but asked her not to do anything stupid in return. This is where the argument began.  
  
"You think I would do something stupid?" Cho asked her friend, feinging angry astonishment. "I don't do stupid things, I do necessary things that may be ludicrous to you!"  
  
"I know, I know. You never did anything stupid, but don't do anything drastic, okay?" Hermione pleaded.  
  
"Oh, so know you think I would do something drastic?! I ALWAYS DO DRASTIC THINGS IF THEY NEED TO BE DONE!! Now please, I would like to get back to my nap, if you may," said Cho in an odd manner by the way she was yelling and becoming calm in the blink of an eye.  
  
Hermione sighed and turned on her heel, rolling her eyes, without saying a word. She was walking away when Cho firmly planted a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Herm, sorry about that, but don't worry about me, okay? Really."  
  
Hermione nodded slowly and left, her head drooping.  
  
Now Cho began to contemplate the fact that it would hurt her friends too much if she died. Her family would care much anyway, so they didn't matter much. Her friends would have to be asked about this matter, in a concealed way. 


	3. I wish to leave forever, goodbye

I wish you knew...  
  
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When Hermione left the dorm, Cho breathed deeply and exhaled, leaning her back heavily on the door. She got undressed into her "grieving" pajamas, which she wore when she was depressed at night (most of the time), and she slipped into her bed, flipping the light off with the switch near her headboard.  
  
That night Cho couldn't sleep. Cho attempted to sleep more. She needed all the sleep she could get for a Magical Plants oral presentation. Even though she tried, Cho could not get to sleep. She tried running around and reading, but she couldn't. Something was bothering her. It was what Hermione came to visit her for. To make sure she was alright. Her friends really did care about her. Should she let herself go? Should she keep holding on for her friends? Cho, for once in her life, had no idea at all. Abso-fucking-lutely no idea in her mind. She slipped into a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night, though still worried about the matter.  
  
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Hermione couldn't sleep either. She tossed and turned all night, never really falling asleep. Hermione got out of bed at around 2:30 in the morning and began to add to her essay due tomorrow for Snape. Dirty, old Snape. Hermione hated him so. She already had many more pieces of parchment than the rest of the class, though Snape would find something wrong with it and fail her. It happened recurrently. When she was done and more tired than before, she thought to herself Well, maybe I can fall asleep now, after I've done more homework and gotten all riled up about terrible Snape. She indeed fell asleep, but she had a terrible dream about terrible Snape.  
  
Hermione dreamed that Cho committed assisted suicide with Snape. Snape cut her wrists for her in his bathroom tub. Even though the outline of it seemed short, it felt like hours of dream to Hermione. She eventually woke up in a cold sweat. She, once again, tried to go to sleep, even though it was only an hour and a half before she started to get ready. This time, there were no bad dreams when she slept. It was all over. All over. Hermione, too, slipped into a dreamless state of sleep with her troubled friend Cho. 


	4. Try Again

Cho woke up the next morning feeling groggy and sick. She felt around for her wand and turned off the alarm, which was strategically placed across the room near the door. She threw her blankets over her hair, which she had recently cut short and spiked with pink. At that very moment, she heard a soft knock on her dorm room door. _It's probably Hermione, like usual._

"Come in!" she yelled into her pillow. To her surprise, it was Harry. He looked absolutely gorgeous; his hair looked messy, but sexy at the very same time; he wasn't wearing his glasses either. Perfection was standing in her doorway, looking at her……._OH MY GOD! I'M STILL WEARING MY SUICIDE PAJAMAS!_ Obviously, Harry didn't care that she looked like absolute shit because he was still beaming at her and staring straight into her eyes.

"Hey, Cho….You weren't at breakfast, so I was just wondering if you were all right and all….So, um….I had brought you something to eat," he said nervously, occasionally staring at his feet and wringing his hands. "Ofcourseonlyifyouwantityoudon'thavetoeatitifyoudon'tlikeit!" he rushed. He slowly picked up a breakfast tray behind him that was brimming with pancakes, sausages, bacon, toast, fruit, and everything else a suicidal girl could want for breakfast. If she had it her way, she would have the boy, too. But she'd save that for a later date…

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Hermione watched Harry walk back down from Cho's room and towards the Gryffindor table. He was smiling so big it looked like he had gotten Botox.

"I wonder what happened up there…" Hermione giggled to Ron. Still, he couldn't even whisper an answer, due to the mass overload of bacon stuffed in his mouth. Hermione thought of all the possibilities, and scanned all of them carefully. All of them were plausible, but some were just a bit over-the-top. She would never tell a soul what she thought went on up there….

"Hey Harry! So what happened?" Hermione winked at him, which was totally unlike her, and nudged him with her elbow. Harry was so ecstatic that he barely noticed this un-Hermione-like behavior. He spilled every detail to her on the way to Potions class. Hermione matched his story with one of the ideas she had, and she was very content. _Oh, how very strange are the tactics I employ to enjoy myself…_ Hermione rewarded herself with another glass of pumpkin juice, and listened to Harry tell his story gleefully. All the while, Hermione was smiling to herself and thinking, _Today is going to be a wonderful day. _Still, soon enough, Hermione found out that her morning prediction was very, very wrong.

Harry lost his happiness throughout the day. After a bunch of horridly boring / hard classes, he retreated to the Gryffindor commonroom, where Ron was waiting for him.

"What's wrong? You were fine at breakfast!"

Harry sighed for what seemed to be a very long time. He didn't feel like saying anything at all. Ron knew what Harry meant anyway.

"Well, have you seen her at all today? After the incident, I mean," Ron asked him sadly.

"No. I mean, I thought I was being kinda nice! Maybe I just scared her away…" Harry covered his face in his hands and said to himself, "How could I be so bloody STUPID!"

"Naw, I think you did the perfectly right thing. By the way you told the story, she seemed really happy. Well, after Hermione told me about how girls think about that stuff….That was bleeding freaky, mate….."

"I know _exactly_ what you mean," Harry said lifelessly. "I wonder if hse still likes me. I sure hope so…" Harry seemd to drift off into a daydream.

Ron could only stare at him and wonder how he could help Harry out. _Hermione would probably be more of a help than me…She being a girl and all...I could ask Hermione to help him out. Oh, he looks so desperate!_ Ron threw a glance at Harry, who was smiling to himself during his daydream. He looked so sweet, so lovestruck, that Ron couldn't help it but smile a little with him.

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	5. Soaring High

Cho didn't feel like going to any of her classes, but since she needed an excuse, she went to Madame Pomfrey for a note. She didn't ask Cho any questions about what was wrong; she just handed her a slip of paper that contained a short letter and her signature. After this, Cho went back to her room, thinking that she could show the note to all of her teachers at dinner. She quickly ran through her list of chores and homework; cleaning, organizing, writing essays, etc. Since she had nothing better to do, she sat down on a plush, green chair that was big enough for two people (and was commonly used that way, too). She slung her feet over the left armrest and began to read a copy of _The Law Of Similars_ by Chris Bohjalian, even though it was a Muggle book. It was still interesting…

Cho was a lone for quite some time until the very person she wished to see came through the portait hole and into the Gryffindor commonroom: Harry.

_Oh my God, I must look horrible!_ She thought to herself. Still, she had no time to do anything but take her feet off the chair and hope to God that he would sit down next to her.

"Hey!" Harry said to her, "You look really cute today…" Harry blushed deeply and stared into her dark eyes. She held his gaze for a moment, said, "Thanks. You too!" with a little giggle and looked away. "You can sit next to me if you want to…" she said hopefully. Sure enough, he sat down carefully at her side. They spoke to each other for a little while, about nothing more than the horrid homewmork load and the weather. Petty things like that. Then Harry exclaimed, "Look! Outside the window! Did you see it? The shooting star?"

"Yeah…it was beautiful. Did you make a wish?"

"I did. Did you?"

"Of course!" They laughed a little at this.

"Well, what did you wish for?"

"Harry, I couldn't tell you! It wouldn't come true!"

"Oh really? I never knew that…Thanks for the tip!" Harry and Cho laughed for a while, and then just sat, wondering what the other had wished for. After a moment or two, Cho broke the silence.

"I think we wished for the same thing. Do you feel it, too? That tension?"

Harry did. He felt like gravity was pulling him towards her. He trie to resist, but he just couldn't do it any longer. He looked straight into her eyes, held the back of her head and the small of her back, and pulled her towards him. Surprisingly, she didn't resist or try to pull away. Instead, she put her hands on his chest and climbed on top of him. They kissed for what could have been only a few seconds, or even a half and hour. Either way, neither of them knew or cared how long it had been. After they pulled away from each other, Harry said softly, "I love you. Will you go out with me?" He breathed deeply, as if a great burden had been taken off of his shoulders, but there was one more hurdle he had to clear.

"My wish came true," Cho replied. They kissed again, and at that, Cho left Harry to go to her room. Both of them sat in silence and replayed those few minutes in their heads, just beaming. They were so happy.


End file.
